Berlin 1945: The eminent fall of the Nazi regime is finalized with the supposed suicide of Adolf Hitler. Unbeknownst to most of the world, the history books are in fact, wrong. Hitler was secretly cryogenically frozen, hidden away in underground vaults alongside Walt Disney. He was unleashed in 1960 to yet again, begin global domination. Failed attempts with military gave him the idea for a much sneakier, effective, but slower reign over the world.
PART I: HISTORY
Arkansas 1962: The first Wal-Mart is opened as 'Waltons'. A small store in a small town, a perfect place to have as a cover as he works on his plans. Why take over the world with brute force and conflict, when you can just make a multi-billion dollar corporation to control it? At this time, the first associate is hired, Sam Walton, who is given complete run of the store, unknowingly serving Hitler's future plans.
Braving through this endeavour, and putting myself at extreme risk, I have returned to tell of the horrors I have endured, unfortunately crippled (Misbehaving is punishable by blood, I really don't want to go in to that, it's too hard) I have survived to tell you, the unwary people of the world.
The first thing that immediately set my radar off was a posting for a distress hotline right by the punch-in clock, for depression, stress, and overwhelming suicidal ambition. I didn't realize at the time just how ominous that sign should've been.
PART II: MAINTAINING THE DISGUISE
The vast caves of machinery however are not self-sufficient. They need to be maintained for maximum efficiency, at minimal costs. These machines are manned by mole people, associates so depressed and mentally deranged they begin to change physically. These people are relocated underground to forever toil in the dark dank caves until they are no longer human. "Ajay didn't come back from lunch yesterday, I guess he must've walked off the job...". Every time it's always the same, nobody questions their whereabouts, everyone's so utterly drained they just assume the victim finally got fed up and quite without telling anyone. During my investigation, over 50 people had disappeared! Not a single one was questioned, I couldn't believe it. But even mole men need sustenance to stay alive, how could Wal-Mart supply this without spending any money?
PART III: ALLIES OF THE 21st CENTURY
Just like the previous Nazi invasions, the Allies came in to put a stop to the tyranny. Who were these people? Everyday citizens like you and I, that fought for the rights of the people to stop the Nazi machine. Today that fighting force is embodied as The Union, people that stand up and battle for the rights and freedoms of us everyday Joes. Many of these people, like myself, will go undercover and try to fight from the inside. Little do they realize however, that Hitler learned from his previous mistakes, and is not only expectant, but prepared for these spies.
Every store is given an 'Anti-Union' package consisting of a jet for reinforcements, a counterspy van to track Union activities in the parking lot, anti-union cameras for the store (Not the obvious black theft cameras, these ones are equipped with microphones and are strategically hidden throughout) and a feed-chute to the caverns below. A feed-chute? That's right, a sort of dumbwaiter that transports food to the underground denizens. How does this fit in with The Union you might ask, just think about it.
PART IV: DAS UBER SOLDAT
Not every associate is some sort of Satanic Nazi are they? The answer is of course, no. Everyday people with ordinary needs trying to live an ordinary life, the batteries of the store faithfully existing to do nothing more than continue their existence. There are Nazi spies in the midst of the rankings, some are genetic experiments, some are mole men who have adapted and regained basic yet loyal thinking capabilities. These grotesque goblinesque humanoids pretend to be like you and I, secretly watching for Union and Misbehavers like myself. It was upon this discovery I decided to withdraw, a tangle with a brute unmatched in power (but thankfully lacking in brain cells) was luckily only able to slightly maim me before I escaped.
This is a wary word to all, at all costs avoid Wal-Mart. Remember you are supporting Hitler, murder, experimentation, depression, sweat shops, baby sacrificing, Devil worship and world domination! Please think twice next time you need to shop, there are plenty of holier alternatives for retail bargains (you just may end up paying an extra 50 cents, remember this). If you must from sheer addiction and inability to think for no one but yourself, be on the lookout for the things I have mentioned... If you pay close attention, I bet you'll catch sight of something grotesque lurking in the shadows of the store, keeping tabs on you.
Fuck You Wal-Mart, Period.