hosted by tripod
Get Four DVDs for $.49 each. Join now. Tell me when this page is updated

How Do You Say 'Starcraft' in Korean?

    First off, let me state that I like Koreans, I have a Korean friend, hell I have a muslim friend, a half-hindu half-chinese friend, I’m not here to stereotype…

    But I’m going to stereotype. Koreans piss me off. I Remember when I first played Starcraft, I loved it, me and my buddies would spend all sorts of time beating on each other or teaming up and pummeling the offenders. Hell, at lunch time back in school, we’d make haste to our friend’s house where we would see how many people we could trounce online before we had to speed back to school.

    I bought the Starcraft DVD not too long ago, part of a three DVD box set at Electronics Boutique for twenty-five bucks. That’s twenty-five bucks for three DVDs, how the Hell could I say no, even if I am broke? I'd keep glancing at that box, beckoning me from their 'discount dvd' shelf, wondering if I should invest in such a strong and completely irrelevant investment. I've already seen all the cinematics, I own two of the games, do I really need a video to help fully establish and validate my existence? I was constantly catching glances from the the benevolent EB clerk, always with a smug look on his face, knowing that he was about to take me for twenty-five bucks. I finally picked it up and observed it, held it, loved it; but I wasn't quite yet sold.

EB Clerk: It's our last copy, good deal.
Me: Shit.

That ended it for me, I had to buy it. The people that know me are very aware with my, 'If it's that cheap, it must be good' theory on all my completely pointless purchases.

    I went home (after a grueling battle with the dentist) and watched the Starcraft DVD first. I was rather impressed. After watching the cinematics I decided to install the game again and try it out, I had forgotten just how much I loved this game! It was all quite fun but something was lacking, the trouncing of people from all over the world! I quickly made haste to to start my rampage when I suddenly saw this:

Hey, hey, I don't remember this.

    What the fuck is this? At least with the dipshits speaking in 'L33T' I could decipher what they were saying. Here I'm left with an array of scrambled text in which I'm positive, all say "We Kill Devon". I try playing and every time I’m eliminated within like 5 minutes. As if getting ripped to shit every time I play wasn’t bad enough, I’m hit with broken english phrases like, “you never win”, or “you eat shit”. What the Hell? Is that a question, do I eat shit? An order, you’re making me go eat shit? Or just an overall statement on how I indulge in the art of eating shit?

    As if this isn’t bad enough, I learn that a chunk of these guys are map hacking! What the Hell do you need a hack for? I’m white, you’re Korean, what more of an edge do you possible need! I thought maybe if I team up with some Koreans I’ll start kicking ass, but it appears that whomever is on my team, Korean or not, gets completely rendered to pieces, just because I don’t play with the finesse or determination that our Video Game Lord brethren are capable of.

    I’m sick of Koreans coming in and stomping on the things I love and ‘think’ I’m good at. I mean, I used to kick ass with the Marvel vs Capcom arcade game… that was until some ten year old Korean kid came up, set up on easy, and blasted my ass away. Easy mode? Haven't I gone over this, you’re Korean, I’m not, why give yourself these advantages?

Here’s my current stats:
2 – 15 – 1

2 wins. One because I lifted off all my buildings and hid them all over the map, and my opponents didn’t feel like hunting them all down. The other is because I hid buildings in my teammates bases, so even though I was gone I was ‘technically’ still in the game.
15 losses. These are all because of the aforementioned Korean adventures.
1 disconnect. Simply because my modem crapped out and disconnected me. I really think I’d of won that one too.

    All-in-all, I must now live in the dark underbelly of the net, afraid to ever show my handle online again, in fear that if it is dawned in online gaming once more, that it will lead to the same horrible crushing defeat at the hands of… The Koreans.